At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
