I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
