She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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