yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
