Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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