I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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