R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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