He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
