$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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