so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
