Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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