i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
