Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
