shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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