It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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