he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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