Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
