we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
