if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
