Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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