Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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