I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
