Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
