Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
