2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
