Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
