i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sext me about skeletons
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
