Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
