Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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