I think im going to throw up on grandma
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
