eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
