Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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