I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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