you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
