do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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