elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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