So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
