We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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