His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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