You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
