Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
