yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
