she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
