I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
