i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize