I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
