your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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