I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
