I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
