I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
