It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
