I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
