ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need to calm my uterus...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
