you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The uberlube is also flammable
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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