I think i peed on brittanys purse
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
